Marquis de Sade

Enter Marquis Muh de Fucking Sade. Actually, his name is Marquis de Sade (a Frenchie), but goddammit if that was his name it would fit. That's because he is one of the greatest sexual perverts of all time. How great you ask? So great that the term sadism - which means a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object) - is actually derived from his LAST NAME. When a word that is commonly applied to rapists and serial killers is inspired from your last name, then you've done some major shit my friend. Some major shit.

What major shit?

He was born in Con...dude who cares. This guy is motherfucking Marquis de Sade! Let's skip to the juicy parts:

He lived a libertine life. Libertine means that you live life without care for religious or moral norms. Basically, this guy didn't give a damn. He did what pleased him and he did it a lot. For most, this would be just to make money and become rich and live a happy life. For Marquis de Sade, his libertine ass preferred to sexually dominate and molest prostitutes.

He first came into prominence when he was involved in a scandal with a woman by the name of Rose Keller. He invited her in his house, then sexually and physically abused her. He also committed some really blasphemous acts, like jizzing off into a chalice (a Holy Cup sorta thing). We all know guys like to show their dominance over women during sex, but god damn Marqy...a freaking chalice?

It gets worse

If you think that's all he did, then you're sadly mistaken. The countless escapades in his life included him running off with his wife's sister (no doubt doing the same twisted crap to her), hiring several young women to be his "servants", and writing a novel called 120 Days of Sodom. A novel so notorious that it has been banned in many countries because of it's content, which included fucking, abuse, more fucking, and more abuse. What do you expect out of Marquis?

Down with the perv'

After several more freaky ass novels, Napoleon freaking Bonaparte had to call the arrest for Marquis de Sade (probably because Sade's novels were too manly for the shorty mcshorty Napoleon). After the geniuses in France declared him mentally insane for his mind-fucking novels and crimes, they put him in asylum...where he got into a relationship with a 13-year old girl. Even when he's locked away, Marquis gots the booty call.

Thank God he's gone, right?

I'm sure most people are glad he received his due punishment. But you have to admit, as the surrealist Guillaume Apollinaire once said, he was "the freest spirit that has yet existed".

Yes, we will always remember Marquis de Sade. Not for only giving us a good word to call douchebag-like actions we see in the world, but to remember that even criminally and sexually insane people can still get some when they're locked away.