Featured DoucheBag(s) - Ann Coulter

Ah, it's been long since I've done another 'Featured DoucheBag(s)'. This time, I am here to present to you an infamous political commentator: Ann Coulter. Oh, did I mention she's a conservative? EWWWWWWWWWWW.

*babies start crying all around the world*

Damn you Ann Coulter, destroyer of all that is happy and fluffy, damn you.

Who She Is

Ann Coulter was born in New York, NY in 1962 to John Vincent Coulter and Nell Husbands Martin. Both of her parents were later shot for producing the douchiest human being in the world (I wish). She is known for her controversial style and she labels herself "polemic", which is someone who likes to talk about controversial topics such as religion and politics, and admits that she is as biased as a motherfucker. See, the thing is if you're going to admit that you're biased and a conservative, you better have some good arguments. This woman has none.

If she didn't have boobs, she'd be dead already.

Douchebaggery

Now, with any infamous conservative there's a lot of bullshit things they say. To go through all of Ann Coulter's idiotic statements would be impossible, so let's go through some highlights:

1. She thinks evolution is a "bogus science" that glorifies sex and death instead of life. First, any mildly educated person knows that evolution is one of the strongest backed up theories we have today from the piles of evidence we can garner. Secondly, she criticizes evolution for glorifying sex? Even if it did, HELLO. SEX? Jesus Christ woman! How can anyone hate sex?! How can anyone hate the holy moments of in-out-in-out-in-out?! How can anyone hate the godly instruments of pleasure?!

Oh yeah: conservatives.

2. In an infamous incident, Ann Coulter states that Jews were "imperfect Christians". Now, this woman tried to deny the implications in an interview, but anyone with a BRAIN can figure this one out: she's a bigoted bitch. What is this talk of Jews being imperfect Christians? Hell, every religious person is an imperfect intellectual, THAT'S what should be discussed. But in all seriousness, her borderline, if not total, racist remarks just show how much air passes through her ears.

I heard it actually makes a whistling tune when it breezes through her head; it plays William Tell Overture.

3. Ann Coulter has stated that it would be better if woman did not have the right to vote, simply because they consistently vote for Democrats (in the majority). Do I even have to explain this bullshit?

There is woMAN who we should ban from voting or even talking: Ann Coulter.

4. In response to the 9/11 attacks Ann Coulter has states that we should just carpet-bomb, kill, invade, and convert Afghanistan, Iraq, etc. Not only does this idjit want to spread her ridiculous religious views, she thinks that since something has happened before it MUST be moral. I mean just because I, oh sorta, fucking stabbed you in the face doesn't mean I can't do it again right?

Let's invade her home, carpet bomb her furniture, and convert her into a permanently silent woman (it looks like a good day to buy some MUDAFACKING SUPAGLOO).

What do we do about this douchebaggery?

It's quite simple really - give her a taste of her own medicine. First sabatoge all her future publication or writing opportunities so her Bullshit - Level 3 Gamma can be surpressed. Then, in true frat boy fashion, get a mob of drunk men and rush her house and bet them they can't pee on more pieces of furniture than you. That's how we do it in L.A. bitches!